adrienne maree, the luscious satyagraha

here's the first poem i've written in a while - can't vouch for its quality, its an emotional outburst:

poems say i have forgotten how to write poemswhat could you tell me of a poem in this world where the air is toxic and the water is toxicbut children have been brought back to play

i don't know pretty ways to say the water was over the housesboats were chained and people drowned and the smell of death does not dissapate andi'm too young to recognize it so quickly but then this is the second city i've seen collapse

and when i meet survivors i feel pathetic because i am so just barely not weepingand i make charts and they have walls black and soggy from the sludge which came in the night from canals, industrial canal, from rivers where water was an enemy butwe made plans

we made plans even though people were still missing andto be honest finding people only illuminates the losses but what do i know? they're all smiling and even i can think of something funny and how could i? and how could i not?

then we drove the streets where the ground was covered in the dried water of, in the dirt of, in the detritus of - god, god it was everywhere, it is everywhereand i can't get cleanand when i next stood in scalding water i couldn't remember what i did and why i didn't come and get people

i resolve again that we must learn to save each other we mustfree people's minds so they can save themselves but who knows how to do thati've never felt my stomach so tender for so longthat tumultuous stranger's grieflearning to read the code on the buildings

2 cats, kittens under house, 4 dogsparakeet, child recoveredno one found, 1, 2 and 4 people 

when i sleep i have nightmares water coming in the dark and no way outwater coming in the middle of the nightthe water line on my facewaking up to the sound of water all aroundwater already too high to drive throughwater comes in my dreams and coats mecomes in my eyes and ears and coats memy throat and tongue and fills my lungs and

i am always somebody's only childi am a mother, i have lived in this housethis has been my home since world war ii andi own it and i am not leaving itnot at gunpoint, not to go to no where, or somewhere cold - i've seen wind and i've seen water and i've seen your kind so leave me bei won't leavenot to never come home

i am a mayor who speaks like a brimstone pastorbut acts like a fish on the shorei am guilty and i am blamelessi am a politician and i don't know how to do anythingonly speak, only dreami cry, but only in the bathroom and alone

i am a child, swimming towards the superdomei am a child and i know i can't handle what i am seeingand what i see is death in every directionand what i see i my mother taken by men who are not my fatherand my father taken by time and heroism and stubbornness and the water

dear god i am scared of these ghosts floating spirits up from broken homes smiling, bitterwe knew this would happen we knew it was possible that - given a chanceyou would leave us to dieleave anyoneleave us black people who own our homes on land you wantand we won't go, not till god takes usyou won't be free of us,the air is thick with our suffering

you would leave us poor white peoplewho have always been here and we don't have shitand we've never had shitand we aren't scared

we are your day laborerswe are your maids and we can give you a roofand we can give you signs of life butsome of us, if you must knowbefore any storms camebecause of the way you let life fall so heavy on uswe are vacantwe are hopelesswe aren't lovely, we are looterswe aren't saviors, we stinkcan you love us, can you listen to us?we know you saw us, we know your hearts broke

and if you think we will give it all up go on, break our hearts againbulldoze our world and pile it up and take it awayrebuild, higher, better, more sturdythe land isn't meant for you, it will break you too

but you cannot break uswe'll go kicking and screaming and when its safe we'll creep back in the nightand you who never loved usyou who never loved thisyou won't understand why we stay and die, why we come back and fight

but you who see us, do not forgetdo not forget what was done to usdo not forget this is our homedo not forget you are us and we are youdo not forget you saw it and you were movedyou cried for usyou watched it alland we far flung are just stars burningit may take us light yearstill the scent of explosion is gone and we may fall through the darkwe may not know how to do it the right way, returningyou might not want ityou might not allow ityou might even build walls designed to keep us outlevees high enough to stop the flood of returninglegislate the right of return, the right to our homes andwe may not feel the pull anymore, of that orbit of oursthat new orleans of oldthat criminal scandalous beautiful laughing horn blowing new orleansbut those are our homes in that dirtthose are our beloveds in those tombsthat is our city and we left solemnly for this funeralbut we will come back in celebration, dancingpreceded by magic everywhere

and we will not forget our way home

and now 50 questions, a compilation of questions from different places like inside the actor's studio and the all-about-you email and vanity fair....just cause! 

1. What is your full name? adrienne maree brown2. What color pants are you wearing? slate gray, or grey - my preferred spelling of that color. wonderful tight biz-cas pants i wear too often which my sister april gave to me because she is now a marathon runner and much smaller3. What are you listening to right now? Etta James4. What was the last thing you ate? zen palate sweet and sour sensation and taro spring rolls5. Do you wish on stars? in ny, that's a rare sighting. elsewhere, desperately. i specifically wish that if anyone else is out there that they come visit and help us with some large scale conflict resolution and evolution issues we're facing, planetarily. 6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? oh something very solid and bright, a deep turquoise? fantastic fuschia? 7. How is the weather right now? ny fall, chilly and gray and very sexy layer weather. the season of evans richardson. 8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? my sister autumn, who is very cool. no actually hobbes from oakland. or - actually it was a conference call with up4democracy about new orleans network folks9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? i like all the 400 billion people i have received things like this from over the courseof my email experiences11. What is your favorite drink?  whiskey12. Favorite sport? is hottubbing a sport? i am sooo good at that...swimming, scuba diving, anything in water13. What is your hair color? it's back to natural now, very dark brown14. Do you wear contacts? nope. never even tried them. its on the list after joining a gym so...maybe when i'm 30?15. Siblings? two gorgeous stunning brilliant amazing women, april nicole the marathon running photo-journalist family oriented one who lives in south carolina where she is dating a big defensive end on the USC football team (thats not him in the picture, he black!); and autumn meghan the early christian religion and greek reading professora-to-be actress-organizer who lives at 107th and manhattan and dates a hottie hippy from minnesota.



16. Favorite month? Any month when I'm on vacation.17. Favorite food? Thai, generally, and Lebna, specifically today18. What was the last movie you saw? two documentaries - word on the street by ny-la hottie asif ullah, and stigma by ny-miami hottie tchaiko omawale.19. Favorite day of the year? christmas with my family. santa still visits, though we are all over 20 now, and we all give each other sweet sentimental thoughtful gifts, which ends up becoming a present war between my two still deeply-in-love parenst, and then we eat orange sweet rolls, my mama cooks a bangin meal and we spend the whole day just giving each other love and watching our new movies and dancing together and being together20. What do you do to vent anger? um...do you mean how big is the phatty i smoke? just kidding, i take a pleasure moment to relieve stress. usually by the end i've forgotten the stress completely. 21. What was your favorite toy as a child? i don't remember specific toys - i liked coloring and drawing - still do. and i liked to come up with very intricate dialogues while doing the dishes after dinner - i'd play out both parts of a romantic spat22. Summer or winter?  summer23. Hugs or kisses?  kisses, i love and love and love kisses, really good hot kisses24. Chocolate or vanilla? Dark chocolate25. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? no, this is a selfish endeavor26.Who is most likely to respond? no one?27. Who is least likely to respond? no one?28. Who is the friend you have had the longest? other than my family who are my road dawgs? sofia29. What did you do last night?  got home from new orleans, cried for a second on sofia's shoulder, then vegged out to t.v. while sofia and her housemates rearranged the house so their landlord could come see it and not think three people lived there. i think they overdid it, but i had also sipped tequila out of a water bottle the whole plane ride  home and didn't feel like weighing in on the matter...then went home and slept so hard and dreamt no dreams. 30. What are you afraid of? power hungry people31. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn? Buttered and salted32. Favorite car? no car, but HYBRIDS all the way33. Favorite flower? bamboo, spider plants. shit that's REALLY hard to kill. 34. Number of keys on your key ring? 3. that's 3 too many. i hate keys, and feel much envy for folks who live in places where they can leave their doors unlocked. 35. How many years at your current job? damn, two i guess! 36. Favorite day of the week? friday night, in my own bed. 37. What did you do on your last birthday? i went to the turkish baths, got a massage, then had a small dinner with close friends. it was my first year in a while not doing a big party and it was a massive relief not to have to think of making a great party for others. 38. How many states have you lived in? 639. How many cities/homes have you lived in? i keep losing count around 19, my memory isn't the best one anyone ever had.40. favorite indulgence? getting rubbed on by professionals, and cab rides when i return from a long trip41. favorite curseword? fuck. 42. what turns you on? generous and really smart people with really great senses of humor, politics and style who aren't easily charmed but are physically and intellectually interested in pleasure and alternative forms of intimacy...alternate from a straight up boyfriend girlfriend marriage baby path. people who don't get jealous. 43. what turns you off? ignorance in any form, folks who think they own me, jealousy, people who like me (so ignant, i like the crush and pursuit but then i get horribly bored), people who fumble about my body with no skills, pessimists and...ooh people who are totally self-absorbed! lol...44. where were you happiest? in the south pacific with my parents and sisters and my dog Sugarfoot, swimming and diving everyday, with internet access and plenty of journals to write in all day, and only biking on the island, and dolphins and the sun rising in my backyard over the ocean.45. have you ever been in love? desperately. four times now i've cried desperately over the loss of my future babies with someone which i suppose is my marker for love. each time i realize it wasn't really love before, because this is so much more horrifically painful...the babies thing, this may change drastically as i am currently unconvinced this world is good enough for babies. 46. favorite position? doggy, hair pulled, someone breathing in my ear47. who do you look up to? survivors who remember how to laugh, malcolm and ella baker, people who break through to new territory on the environment like andy lipkis48. who do you detest? no one. i find hatred a lowly exhausting and petty emotion. i'll add hate to my turn-off list. 49. who do you love? my family, which includes my dearest friends50. if you were to come back as a person place or thing, what would it be? water - drinkable, livable and plentiful water. an endless well, a summer storm, coming and going, prayed for and a blessing.